I’ve seen many people posting on social media about wanting to have a partner of their own. Some of them have asked for advice. A few even asked me to match them up with any single guys I know. I have had to decline their requests because I knew they need to really know what they want in a life partner and experience the dating part of it themselves.
I’ve wondered myself years ago about how to attract someone when I was single because I’ve seen so many confident people who can easily make guys or girls look at them and talk to them. What I learned over the years on my own personal growth journey is that unless you’ve learned to love yourself fully and accept yourself for who you are, including your strengths and weaknesses, preferences and all, you will never be able to attract the kind of partner you want. If you love yourself fully that you become confident in yourself and your everyday choices, the Universe will eventually give you the partner that you want and need.
Attracting the right partner for you involves a little bit of self-work, especially if you’re the type who doesn’t usually attract gorgeous people. And so here are the things I have done to myself that you can start doing too.
1.) Develop a very good sense of intuition from the get-go.
Some people are turned off by the idea of intuition because they think it’s related to being psychic. Others are even fearful of them because they think psychics can read minds. But many people fail to realize the benefits of using this for themselves.
This is very important. It doesn’t matter if you believe in God or not. A good sense of intuition will help you get in tune with your surroundings. It will help you size up a person even on just a few seconds upon meeting them for the first time or even just looking at a photo.
To get to know your intuition very well, first try to remember times when you knew through that tiny voice or a certain feeling that something good or bad will happen but you failed to listen to it. And then when it happened exactly as your sense tried to alarm you, then that’s your intuition talking. Try to write them on paper to help you remember. Read books by authors such as Lynn Robinson and Sonia Choquette. I personally recommend them because I read their books myself and they know what they’re talking about.
2.) Rediscover yourself in a new way.
I’m sure at this stage you have already known yourself very well. Let your self-discovery go a bit further by looking at yourself in the mirror, examine your face and body, then say out loud the good physical attributes you have. If you’ve been berating yourself for decades, it’s now time to see yourself in a positive light. It doesn’t matter if other people have bullied you or said negative things about you and what you did years ago, how you see yourself and what you say to yourself in a positive way starting right now is the most important thing.
If you find this difficult to do, then think of the good traits you have, your good qualities and characteristics, your talents and abilities, the things you love to do every day. Feel free to ask your close friends on the good qualities you do have. You can even write this if you so desire. This doesn’t happen overnight though because the length of time it takes to rediscover yourself depends on the state of your emotional being at this moment. Just be patient with yourself when there are times you are tempted to do the usual. But know that when you get more confident, it would be second nature for you to do the things that make you happy and fulfilled.
3.) Create your own rituals that speaks the most to you.
Whether it be going to the gym, running, listening to music, and many others, do things that make you happy, fulfilled, grounded.
I’d like to share a few things I’ve done that might also help you on your personal journey:
Say “I Love You” to yourself in front of the mirror. It’s a way of forgiving yourself for the mistakes, regrets and any other negative feelings that still weigh you down emotionally. It’s also a way of letting go of the thoughts and feelings that no longer work for you. Saying this in front of the mirror is very powerful. I have done this so many times now, and it works. At first it may seem awkward to do it, I even cried because my own self doesn’t believe it at first. But the more I say it, the more emotional baggage has been lifted off my shoulders and the negative voices have been replaced with very caring and positive one. There may be people in your life who have hurt you and have never apologized for it, but you deserve to be happy no matter what.
Hugging yourself is also another way, letting your inner child know that he or she is still loved by the older you and that you’ll keep him or her safe no matter what.
I love meditation. It helps calm my mind and body. It also helps me soak up the goodness and lovingkindness of the Universe and be in the present moment.
Writing help me be honest and grounded with myself. Through my blog and my gratitude journal, the process of writing itself makes me happy and focused. it’s also very therapeutic and soothing.
4.) Create a list of what you want in a love relationship. Then offer it up to the Universe. Let them know what you really, really want.
I’m not kidding when I say that you need to let the Universe know what you really, really want. Now this may sound strange but if you want a love relationship to last forever, being very specific about what you want in a partner for a long-term relationship is the way to go. It doesn’t matter if it’s a short list or a long one. In one page or many pages. Making this list would save you a lot of heartache, pain, frustration, tears, and drama that comes from jumping from one relationship to another.
Take your time to think and write a list of the qualities, attributes and type of personality you want to have in a partner. You can even edit the list as many times as you like until you’re satisfied with it. Then one night pray to God (or any name you recognize as the Higher Power) about it, mention all the qualities you want in a partner. The last part of the prayer is optional, but I did mention this to Him. Here goes: “Father God, although I mention all these qualities that I want in a man, I do know that you have my best interests at heart and that you know what’s best for me. And so I thank you in advance that our paths will cross and we will meet each other one day, at the right place and at the right time for both of us.”
A word of caution though: In reality, not everything on your list your real-life love partner will have. What you can do is when you are already in a relationship with this person for a while, get your list and mark a check on those qualities your partner does have. Then compare them with the ones he/she doesn’t have and assess if those that he doesn’t have really matters to you. For example, he/she may not be a great dancer and singer but he/she loves to hug and kiss you all the time. But you love to sing and dance and you love to receive hugs and kisses. Of those qualities you’ve ticked that your partner already have, choose those that matter more in the long run.
5.) Find ways to meet the kind of love partner you want.
Meeting the kind of partner you want takes effort and action. There’s no use putting it out there to the Universe the qualities you want in a person if you don’t take action in meeting and talking to them face-to-face. Even if you say that good things come to those who wait, patience is a virtue, and love is worth waiting for, it’s still good to put yourself out there. There are many places to meet people: in church, at work, on dating websites, blind dates. If you plan on going into dating websites, ask for recommendations first from friends. Create a profile, read, edit, and re-edit until you’re satisfied before making it public.
Also, when there are significant number of people who are showing interest in and would like to go out with you through your job or anywhere else, do take advantage of this opportunity. I know of one woman whom many men were interested in but she didn’t take up on their offer of a date. She is vivacious, very confident, sassy, and oozes sex appeal which obviously made men want to have a look at her. I don’t know why she doesn’t go out and get to know them but if I were her, I would’ve tried to do that.
6.) Decide to be happy whatever the outcome of your dating endeavors.
Some people’s efforts might come up fruitful. For others, it might not be. As early as now, you need to decide that you choose to be happy whatever the outcome of your efforts to go out on dates with people. Because being desperate and clinging on to the idea of having a partner will make your wish slip out of your hands. Treat dating as an opportunity to meet and get to know new people. If they don’t want a second date, or they just want to be friends, you should be fine with it. Of course you are allowed to grieve about it if you really have to, but hey, it’s not the end of the world.
I hope these tips will help you find the man or woman of your dreams. Feel free to comment below or through my social media pages. I wish you all the very best.