It’s been a long while since I wrote my very last post. Many things have happened since then, but mostly it’s about my constant feelings of insecurity and lack of self-confidence.
CONFIDENCE. I only get to learn to trust myself and my own intuition when I started working right after college (for American English speakers or university (for those in UK and Commonwealth countries). I’m sure the Western side of the world, the parents teach their kids to trust themselves and do what they love to do, and over the years, we see many successful people. In Asia, Africa, Middle East, unless the parents has the same thinking as the Western parents and have the money also, the kids are taught to follow what their parents wanted them to do. As soon as those kids grow up and know their place in the world, they have to hustle and find many ways to finally see their own dreams come to reality, even at the cost of parents’ disapproval. Because it is the shame and disapproval Asian kids are always afraid of. Western kids, obviously not so much. The concepts of shame and disapproval – the fear of being jeered at by one’s own friends, the fear of parents not liking what we want to do, the fear of failure.
Countless times throughout my life I am plagued by inertia, constant questions about my own worth and confidence. I know I feel the most alive when writing, reading, listening to music, anything travel-related, personal growth. And I know I should have figured it out by now. But sometimes, I am just so doubtful again and again, I hate having those feelings. After many years of reasoning with my parents for my right to live on my own terms, I have to still reason with myself why I need to continue writing. It’s my way out of depression, it’s my therapy, it makes me happy. Every time I write, it makes me more confident I’m doing the right thing. By sharing experiences with others, I allow myself to hopefully be an inspiration. Because I have witnessed many people expressing themselves fully and are very happy doing it. And so I want to spread positivity around by expressing my truest self through many ways.
It’s really true what experts say about how parents treating their kids will affect those kids the rest of their lives. This is why I am striving so, so hard to stay positive and see a glass half full. Because it’s still worth living, that’s what I always say to myself. It’s still worth achieving those childhood dreams. It’s still worth seeing more places around the world. It’s still worth experiencing what it feels to love and be loved in return. It’s still worth finding yourself, learning lessons, unlearning old ones. It’s still worth finding out places you’ve never been to before. It’s still worth discovering new things, new places, new people. It’s still worth it, despite what your negative thoughts say. Love yourself so much and surround yourself with positive people and doing things that make you happy.
As I have done to myself all these years, just keep on going my dear friends! Find yourselves your own reasons to live life to the fullest, as I have found mine, time and time again. That way, you have told your negative thoughts and emotions in no uncertain terms that you prefer to be happy. Of course, there’s always a time to cry, a time to grieve, a time to lay all your cards out there. But there’s always a time to laugh, a time to smile, a time to love, a time for everything good under the sun and universe.
Start setting boundaries between yourself and your negative thoughts. Because you have a choice to choose how long they stay inside your head. Talk yourself out of your negative thoughts all the time. Have a loving talk with your negative thoughts by saying that they have protected you when you needed them most, but now it’s time to move onto much better things. It’s much better to talk to your negative thoughts with kindness so slowly and surely when they realize you are serious about what you want to do, they will eventually leave you alone. But it’s also a matter of constantly doing it, otherwise those negative thoughts will come back again and again.
Have a good day everyone! Keep on keeping on!